I could have titled this: "Sometimes it takes a pandemic." Or "Sometimes it takes a heartbreak." Or "Sometimes it takes pain."
I have sang for very few memorial services in my lifetime. All of them have been for family members. However, I was asked to sing at a stranger's recently. The weight of being asked to sing at a memorial is very heavy, even when you know the person. How do you honor someone's entire life in just a few songs? So, you can imagine how I felt when I was asked to sing for someone I did not have the pleasure of knowing on earth.
Despite the weight, I said yes. I showed up with the harmony part prepared for three songs. There were more people there than I anticipated. When we came to the microphones to begin singing it was said, "So this is what it feels like to be loved."
All those people there let out a collective sigh. You know, the kind of sigh a mother makes when you say her baby is adorable. Or the kind of sigh you let out when someone compliments your cooking, except heavier. More of the kind of sigh you see a patient have on a medical drama show when the doctor tells them what they already know to be true. The sigh that comes with a reluctantly heavy heart, but the most positive outlook one could muster at that given time.
I admit, I sighed along with them. I looked at the pictures of this child of God. This creation that was already seeing Jesus face-to-face. I looked at their family. Then the guitar strings strummed.
Jesus, help me to stand. Reckless Love. Before the Throne.
In the midst of leading this congregation of people, gathered to honor a life, I felt like I got it.
IT is a simple thing to grasp. There are verses upon verses about it.
"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence" 2 Peter 1:3 ESV
"My choice is you,God, first and only. And now I find I’m your choice! You set me up with a house and yard. And then you made me your heir!" Psalm 16:5-6 MSG
"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 NIV
God is our everything. He is all we need. We need only to call on Him.
But somewhere along the way, we have changed this fact in our head into more of a suggestion.
God is all we need...when we need Him. Until then, we will just hangout and be chill.
I think it is the day to day. Most days, someone we know does not pass away. Most days, there is not a pandemic we have to deal with. Most days, are normal. You wake up, you see your family/friends, you eat or don't eat breakfast. You go to work or school or take care of the kids and pretty soon you're back home watching tv and getting ready for bed. Somewhere along the way, between the mundane and same-ole, same-ole, we forget that we need God. Really need God. Every minute, of every day.
This week, it took a memorial service for me to realize this.
All cards out on the table... I am no saint. I don't get my bible out everyday and read it. I fall asleep in the middle of saying my prayers at night. I get jealous, angry, sad, confused, scared, and overly excited. I eat too many things that have the word chocolate in them and it really bothers me that I still cannot grasp the concept of accounting. I cry for hours when I make bad grades and I probably watch too much Netflix in my free time.
Yet, as I stood before that crowd of people, gathered to mourn and celebrate a life, something clicked. In an instant, my test grade didn't carry as much weight anymore. My stress was not swirling around in my brain. I could not have told you what was happening on any show I have been watching. I was not jealous, angry, sad, confused, scared or overly excited. I didn't think about chocolate or accounting.
As I sang the words, "Jesus, help me to stand" I realized it is not about me. As I sang about God's love and how it chases me down and fights for me, I realized this is not about me. As I listened to what I was singing, how my life was purchased by someone else's blood, I finally understood that it is not about me.
Years ago, at a youth camp, my small group was asked the question, "Why are you here this week?" I have always been one to give the "right" answer, the "churchy" answer but also make it personal. I thought it over as we went around the circle. Finally, it was my turn to answer. Why was I there?
"Well, I think that I am here because God has already done everything for me, I want to learn about what I can do for Him. It is about what I can do for him because He has already given me everything."
Everyone in my group ooed and ahhed at my answer. So, why is it engraved in my memory all these years later? Well, my friend... it is because I was so wrong.
I, little me, who was created by the God who created the universe and all its galaxies in six days, can do nothing for God that He cannot already do. On my own, I have nothing to offer Him. On some days, I can't even make a muffin correctly. So what could I possibly have to offer to the maker of EVERYTHING??
God knew I had nothing to offer. That is why He sent His son. His only child.
"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him." John 3:16 MSG
So, standing there, singing, I was humbled. It hit me and put me right in my place.
God is my everything.
At seven years old, I chose to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son fo God when He was introduced to me. Because I knew He was here to help me.
Somewhere along the way, in the mundane, I didn't make it a priority to remember. It is kind of like when you don't tell your sibling you love them after a while, because like, they are there. They know you love them. That is how I get with God sometimes. He knows I love Him, so, subconsciously, I figure that because He knows, it's okay if I don't spend time with Him today.
This is slippery ground. Waking up usually takes a broken heart, or a drastic turn, and the day-to-day always starts back tomorrow. Sometimes, it takes a memorial to put into perspective why we worship. To remind us why spending time with God is important. To remember that He IS everything.
Because when you have nothing left, when you feel like a part of you is gone, there is only One you can run to and truly be received by.
In short...lol
I wanted to hop on here and tell you how I was humbled. It is not about our works. It is about our relationship with our Heavenly Father. He IS our everything, everyday. Not just on our bad days. He IS worthy, we are not. He IS amazing, we are His workmanship.
He IS our everything, and sometimes it takes a memorial.
(I do not own the rights to this song.)
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